Day 18.
When I leave here I am going home to begin the process of being here… officially.
Some decisions about that are getting made before I go, but ultimately I am going home to 3 months of … finalizing. And really, 2 of those I will be on tour, so 1 month. 1 month.
Today I feel that panic that I have been putting off. The stop in the middle of dishes and try not to hyperventilite or cry. or both. I am happy here and I am making the best decision I have made in years… This is not like before and I need to stop bracing myself for the crash… its just… I am about to leave behind everything I know for sure.
I am in love with this city, and I am in love with him. But that only makes it worse.
Its been an easy thing to avoid, but today, I am scared to death… and even though my best friend is finally in the same time zone as me and Rob is just at work… I feel about a million miles away from everything I know.
“But I won’t be no runaway, cause I won’t run.”
- The National
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